Comedy is tragedy revisited.

This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.

The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours. We were not created by a deity. We created the deity in OUR image. Life began on this planet when the first amoeba split. Mankind will still be seeking God, not accepting that God is a spirit; can't see it, touch it, only feel it. It's called LOVE.

I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn't show the dirt.

When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.