Comedy is tragedy revisited.

My timing is so precise, a heckler would have to make an appointment just to get a word in.

Think of me as a sex symbol for the men who don't give a damn.

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.

When I go to the beach, my grandchildren try to make words out of the veins in my legs. That's why I still take the pill; I don't want any more grandchildren.

I never made `Who's Who,' but I'm featured in `What's That?'