When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my gown.
Phyllis DillerI've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
Phyllis DillerThe only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Phyllis Diller