Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high; it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.

Keep at least one window pane clean to check the weather. Once when I didn't do this I sent the kids off with umbrellas for six weeks straight.

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!

Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.

Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.