I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!

Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.

They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!

My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?

They always say to Californians that we don't have seasons. Of course, that is not true. We have fire, flood, mud and drought.