I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.
My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.