My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.

I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high; it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.

Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.

[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.

Never refer to your wedding night as the original amateur hour.

It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.

Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.