If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'

Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

Would you believe that I once entered a beauty contest? I must have been out of my mind. I not only came in last, I got 361 get-well cards.

I'd love to slit my mother-in-law's corsets and watch her spread to death.

I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.

My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12.