If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'

My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

You've got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It's when somebody steps on the bride's train, or belches during the ceremony that you've got comedy!

Would you believe that I once entered a beauty contest? I must have been out of my mind. I not only came in last, I got 361 get-well cards.

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."

I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.