If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'

Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.

Doctors say it's okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.

You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."

Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.

The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?.