If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'

A friend told me the longer you keep Romano cheese, the better it gets. So, I kept it three years. And this thing turned mean. Now and then I'd open the refrigerator door and throw it some food. I'd have to walk it now and then. And then it grew this one leg. And it's got this ugly fuzz all over it. And the dogs won't run with it.

It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.

We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.