Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.

Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.

My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.

I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.

Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."

I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.