Your husband is lazy if coffee doesn't keep him awake - even when it's hot and being spilled on him.

When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my gown.

Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight.

When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.

If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.

If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.

I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.