Your husband is lazy if coffee doesn't keep him awake - even when it's hot and being spilled on him.

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.

Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days.

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.

Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.

Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?