Your husband is lazy if coffee doesn't keep him awake - even when it's hot and being spilled on him.

Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.

Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.

When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.

When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood.