My wife said to me 'I hope you win... but if you do and you go up and say you love me, don't think it makes up for never saying it when we're alone.

I love standup and I haven't given it up.

You know, a TV show is a slow build.

It's starting to feel good, although I don't like feeling too good - that's not where my comedy comes from.

If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license.

I like doing film, you know, single-camera.

I'd rather be in Las Vegas 104 degrees than New York 90 degrees, you know why? Legalized prostitution. In any weather that takes the edge off.