My career has been my craziest adventure.

If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.

My kids are growing up and it's hard to accept they are their own person and they're independent.

It was very nerve-wracking for me. I had to be drunk and have a threesome. I'm not that guy. Bobby Cannavale is that guy. But it was Vegas and things got crazy, and it happened. We go to Vegas to try to sign Elvis Presley and things get crazy. My character [in Vinyl] is stoned.

People think living in your parents' basement until you're twenty-nine is lame. But what they don't realize is that while you're there, you save money on rent, food, and dates.

I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived.

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology.