Why can't I love him (a 2 yr old nephew) from afar? That's how I want to love him - through pictures and folklore.

For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.

Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I'm able to tell a joke. I thank God I'm good at something.

I was wracked with insecurity.

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

When you wake up one day and say, "You know what? I don't think I ever need to sleep or have sex again." Congratulations, you're ready (to have children).

The first time I played golf was in Flushing Meadows, Queens, when I was about 16 or 17. They had an 18-hole pitch-and-putt. My buddies and I would hop the fence and sneak on and play.