Why can't I love him (a 2 yr old nephew) from afar? That's how I want to love him - through pictures and folklore.

You know, before I would think, my cab driver hates me. Now I think my limo driver hates me.

You know, a TV show is a slow build.

That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.

Right after 'Raymond' I had a world-is-my-oyster attitude, but I found out I don't like oysters. I had this existential emptiness.'What is my purpose? Who am I?' I had a big identity crisis.

Well, I'm a 14 handicap. Anyone who golfs knows what that means.

My wife said to me 'I hope you win... but if you do and you go up and say you love me, don't think it makes up for never saying it when we're alone.