The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology.

The successful golfers - they're like astronauts or pilots. They have that demeanor that they can focus and stay within that one moment and nothing distracts them. That's not me.

Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.

That's when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.

Well, I'm a 14 handicap. Anyone who golfs knows what that means.

Right after 'Raymond' I had a world-is-my-oyster attitude, but I found out I don't like oysters. I had this existential emptiness.'What is my purpose? Who am I?' I had a big identity crisis.

I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived.