Dean Martin's great-great-uncle, Ebenezer Martin, who said to Eli Whitney, I see the cotton, but where's the gin? Never got a dinner!

The Mayor of Hong Kong, who said Can't work today. Have American flu. Never got a dinner!

Michelangelo's girlfriend, who said to Angelo, Forget the paint - let's put a mirror on the ceiling. Never got a dinner!

Moses, who said when the Red Sea parted, What the hell was that? I was just going in for a dip! Never got a dinner!

Where else but in America can a poor black man like Michael Jackson grow up to be a rich white woman?

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Joan Rivers, who said to Marcel Marceau, Can we talk? Never got a dinner!