Ponce de Leon, who said when he discovered the Fountain of Youth, Where the hell are the paper cups? Never got a dinner!

Alexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, It's only a nickname. Never got a dinner!

Moses, who said to the Israelites, Stop calling me Charlton! Never got a dinner!

Sonny Von Bulow, who said to her husband Claus on their honeymoon, Stop needling me. Never got a dinner!

When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

The Mayor of Hong Kong, who said Can't work today. Have American flu. Never got a dinner!

Alex Hailey, who traced his roots all the way to the back of the bus. Never got a dinner!