Helen of Troy, a hooker from Upstate New York. Never got a dinner!

E.T., who said to Phyllis Diller, You look weird. Never got a dinner!

Ponce de Leon, who said when he discovered the Fountain of Youth, Where the hell are the paper cups? Never got a dinner!

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Alex Hailey, who traced his roots all the way to the back of the bus. Never got a dinner!

George Burns, what a man. He read in the paper that it takes ten dollars a year to support a kid in India. So he sent his kids there.

Maid Marion, who said to Robin Hood, I will not live in a house with a Little John. Never got a dinner!