When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Joseph Cotten, who said, You know how I got my name? Sammy Davis picked it for me. Never got a dinner!

Michelangelo's girlfriend, who said to Angelo, Forget the paint - let's put a mirror on the ceiling. Never got a dinner!

Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

The captain of the Titanic, who said to room service, Who sent for all this ice? Never got a dinner!

Adam, who said to Eve, What do you mean you have nothing to wear? Never got a dinner!

Ben Hur, who said to his sister Ben Him, We'd better swap names before they start calling me Ben Gay! Never got a dinner!