When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Sleeping Beauty, who said to Prince Charming, Are you sure all we did was kiss? Never got a dinner!

Noah's wife, who said to Noah, Don't let the elephants watch the rabbits. Never got a dinner!

Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!

Sydney Poitier, who said to Lester Maddox, Guess who's not coming to dinner? Never got a dinner!

Peter Minuet, who said to the Indians in modern-day Manhattan, Will you accept a check from a Puerto Rican bank? Never got a dinner!

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!