Where else but in America can a poor black man like Michael Jackson grow up to be a rich white woman?

Dolly Parton, who said to her doctor, Are you sure it's a chest cold? Never got a dinner!

Adam, who said to our Lord in the Garden of Eden, I got more ribs - you got more broads? Never got a dinner!

Long John Silver's wife, Short, who said to John, If the shoe fits... Never got a dinner!

Alexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, It's only a nickname. Never got a dinner!

Sure, I've gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees... I've fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, hardly feel my hands or feet anymore, can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, but... thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license!

Joe Torre, who switched to first base because he didn't want to go through life as Chicken Catcher Torre. Never got a dinner!