Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

I don't hate my enemies. After all, I made 'em.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.