She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce

Mom used to say I didn't run away from home my destiny just caught up with me at an early age.

If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.

I've put on a lot of weight... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.

Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.