She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools, too?

Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

When anyone hurts us, my wife and I sit in our Japanese sand garden and drink iced tea. There are five stone in the garden - for sky, wind, fire, water, and earth. We sit and think of five of the nicest things we can about the person who hurt us. If he hurts us a second time, we do the same thing. The third time, we light a candle, and he is, for us, dead.

I've put on a lot of weight... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.