You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.

A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months. ' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them. '

I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.

I just want to be known as a clown because to me, that's the height of my profession. It means you can do everything - sing, dance and, above all, make people laugh.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap

Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools, too?