I don't hate my enemies. After all, I made 'em.

I left home because I was hungry.

Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles.

You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.

Congress: Bingo with billions.

I'd have avoided some of the pain if I could. Anyone would. But I wouldn't have missed knowing any of the people-even the ones whose leaving hurt most. In fact, the only thing I'm sorry about is that I didn't meet one particular guy, a clown named Joe Skelton. You know, he sure picked the right profession. I mean, a clown's got it all. He never has to hold back: He can do as he pleases. The mouth and the eyes are painted on. So if you wanta cry, you can go right ahead. The make up won't smear. You'll still be smiling. . . .

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap