I don't hate my enemies. After all, I made 'em.

God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being.

I left home because I was hungry.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap

A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months. ' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them. '