All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it.

I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.

I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather.

I'd have avoided some of the pain if I could. Anyone would. But I wouldn't have missed knowing any of the people-even the ones whose leaving hurt most. In fact, the only thing I'm sorry about is that I didn't meet one particular guy, a clown named Joe Skelton. You know, he sure picked the right profession. I mean, a clown's got it all. He never has to hold back: He can do as he pleases. The mouth and the eyes are painted on. So if you wanta cry, you can go right ahead. The make up won't smear. You'll still be smiling. . . .

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.