Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.

Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.

I only come to life when there are people watching.