I left home because I was hungry.
There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.
Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce
You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.
Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.