Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap

I don't need glasses, but I've just reached the age where curiosity is greater than vanity.

Mom used to say I didn't run away from home my destiny just caught up with me at an early age.

I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.