I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.

When anyone hurts us, my wife and I sit in our Japanese sand garden and drink iced tea. There are five stone in the garden - for sky, wind, fire, water, and earth. We sit and think of five of the nicest things we can about the person who hurt us. If he hurts us a second time, we do the same thing. The third time, we light a candle, and he is, for us, dead.

God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being.

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap

If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.