I'd have avoided some of the pain if I could. Anyone would. But I wouldn't have missed knowing any of the people-even the ones whose leaving hurt most. In fact, the only thing I'm sorry about is that I didn't meet one particular guy, a clown named Joe Skelton. You know, he sure picked the right profession. I mean, a clown's got it all. He never has to hold back: He can do as he pleases. The mouth and the eyes are painted on. So if you wanta cry, you can go right ahead. The make up won't smear. You'll still be smiling. . . .

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.

Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools, too?

I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.