It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it.

Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools, too?

Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don’t smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up.

I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.

You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.