It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism.