No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.

I just want to be known as a clown because to me, that's the height of my profession. It means you can do everything - sing, dance and, above all, make people laugh.

I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin

I only come to life when there are people watching.

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

When anyone hurts us, my wife and I sit in our Japanese sand garden and drink iced tea. There are five stone in the garden - for sky, wind, fire, water, and earth. We sit and think of five of the nicest things we can about the person who hurt us. If he hurts us a second time, we do the same thing. The third time, we light a candle, and he is, for us, dead.

You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.