There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

I've put on a lot of weight... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

I just want to be known as a clown because to me, that's the height of my profession. It means you can do everything - sing, dance and, above all, make people laugh.

People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don’t smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up.