There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

I don't need glasses, but I've just reached the age where curiosity is greater than vanity.

When anyone hurts us, my wife and I sit in our Japanese sand garden and drink iced tea. There are five stone in the garden - for sky, wind, fire, water, and earth. We sit and think of five of the nicest things we can about the person who hurt us. If he hurts us a second time, we do the same thing. The third time, we light a candle, and he is, for us, dead.

Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles.

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.