There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.