I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas

I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.

Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.

I just want to be known as a clown because to me, that's the height of my profession. It means you can do everything - sing, dance and, above all, make people laugh.

Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.