Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

I've put on a lot of weight... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.

I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.

I only come to life when there are people watching.

I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.