I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.
I only come to life when there are people watching.
Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.
Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap
Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce
A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months. ' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them. '