Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism.
Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.
I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.
All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
I've put on a lot of weight... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.
If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.