I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

I left home because I was hungry.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.