All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
I only come to life when there are people watching.
You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.
Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
I don't need glasses, but I've just reached the age where curiosity is greater than vanity.
I know my limit. I just keep passing out before I reach it.