My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.
I don't need glasses, but I've just reached the age where curiosity is greater than vanity.
Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap
Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
I've put on a lot of weight... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.