If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas

I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

When anyone hurts us, my wife and I sit in our Japanese sand garden and drink iced tea. There are five stone in the garden - for sky, wind, fire, water, and earth. We sit and think of five of the nicest things we can about the person who hurt us. If he hurts us a second time, we do the same thing. The third time, we light a candle, and he is, for us, dead.

Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.