All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.
I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin
I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather.
Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.