If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.

A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months. ' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them. '

Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools, too?

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce

Congress: Bingo with billions.