Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at that woman, she is really... oh, darn! The feet are too big.'

You should never die for your beliefs, because what if you're wrong?

To me, the acceptable level of fecal matter is... zero.

Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.

Animals are happier than humans because they're like furry little existentialists, all living in the moment. Their collective motto: live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking pelt.

Lobsters one of the only animals that have to put up with being alive in the restaurant. If you go to a steakhouse, folks - no cow tank.

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.