Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at that woman, she is really... oh, darn! The feet are too big.'

Sports are an acceptable way for men to show emotion. A guy who won't hug his kid will slip a guy a tongue in a sports bar when his team wins.

In any relationship there are certain doors that should never be opened. The bathroom door, for example.

If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less painful career.

America: Twenty million illegal aliens can't be wrong!

We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.

I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!