Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at that woman, she is really... oh, darn! The feet are too big.'

I'm catholic in the same way, that if a cow was born in a tree, it's a bird!

Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.

In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding.

If you're going to war over religion, now you're just getting into a fight over who has the better imaginary friend.

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

Nobody is really qualified to be the president. Basically it's an acting job. You have to act like you're the president. And every four years the country holds a big casting call.