Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.

Nobody is really qualified to be the president. Basically it's an acting job. You have to act like you're the president. And every four years the country holds a big casting call.

Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.

America: Twenty million illegal aliens can't be wrong!

The way I see life, it's like we're all flying on the Hindenburg, why fight over the window seats?

I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!

It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!