Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.

I'm catholic in the same way, that if a cow was born in a tree, it's a bird!

Nobody is really qualified to be the president. Basically it's an acting job. You have to act like you're the president. And every four years the country holds a big casting call.

The only difference between the women I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.

Married or Single? There is no good choice. It's like when your doctor says, 'Ointment?' or 'Suppositories'?

The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire'and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'

Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at that woman, she is really... oh, darn! The feet are too big.'