Never fry bacon when you're naked.

Never fry bacon when you're naked.

Married or Single? There is no good choice. It's like when your doctor says, 'Ointment?' or 'Suppositories'?

I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!

Seventy-five percent of all Americans believe that angels are real. Which is amazing when you consider that forty percent of all Americans think DNA evidence is unreliable.

If you're going to war over religion, now you're just getting into a fight over who has the better imaginary friend.

Sports are an acceptable way for men to show emotion. A guy who won't hug his kid will slip a guy a tongue in a sports bar when his team wins.