Imagine my surprise when it turned out the main thing that I was qualified for was to get another degree and teach Political Science to other people, who would, in turn, teach it to other people! This wasn't higher education, this was Amway with a football team!

Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.

Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.

Lobsters one of the only animals that have to put up with being alive in the restaurant. If you go to a steakhouse, folks - no cow tank.

In any relationship there are certain doors that should never be opened. The bathroom door, for example.

You should never die for your beliefs, because what if you're wrong?

Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.