Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.

Never fry bacon when you're naked.

When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case; ten people see him it's a cult; ten million people see him it's a respected religion.

I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!

Imagine my surprise when it turned out the main thing that I was qualified for was to get another degree and teach Political Science to other people, who would, in turn, teach it to other people! This wasn't higher education, this was Amway with a football team!

If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.