Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'

Lobsters one of the only animals that have to put up with being alive in the restaurant. If you go to a steakhouse, folks - no cow tank.

When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case; ten people see him it's a cult; ten million people see him it's a respected religion.

To me, the acceptable level of fecal matter is... zero.

If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.