Married or Single? There is no good choice. It's like when your doctor says, 'Ointment?' or 'Suppositories'?

It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!

Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered whey they die but they're not getting up early on a Sunday.

I was brought up Catholic. My mom brought us to mass every Sunday - short for 'massive head trauma' that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can't sit still for anything that's boring.

Fifty per cent of all marriages end in divorce. But look at the bright side: the other 50 per cent end in death.

Brooklyn is the only place where a guy can open up a candy store sell no candy and gross over eight million dollars a year.

When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case; ten people see him it's a cult; ten million people see him it's a respected religion.