Married or Single? There is no good choice. It's like when your doctor says, 'Ointment?' or 'Suppositories'?

Say whatever you want. But the United States has a kickass military and really good bullshit marketing people. If this country was a person it would be a used car salesman with a flamethrower.

The way I see life, it's like we're all flying on the Hindenburg, why fight over the window seats?

Fifty per cent of all marriages end in divorce. But look at the bright side: the other 50 per cent end in death.

When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case; ten people see him it's a cult; ten million people see him it's a respected religion.

Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at that woman, she is really... oh, darn! The feet are too big.'

You know what the average person is? Average.