We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.

Seventy-five percent of all Americans believe that angels are real. Which is amazing when you consider that forty percent of all Americans think DNA evidence is unreliable.

In any relationship there are certain doors that should never be opened. The bathroom door, for example.

There is an obesity epidemic. One out of every three Americans... weighs as much as the other two.

Michael Jackson is what happens when you keep fixin' it until it's broke!

Lobsters one of the only animals that have to put up with being alive in the restaurant. If you go to a steakhouse, folks - no cow tank.

We would need less gun control if we had better birth control.