We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.

You know what the average person is? Average.

Imagine my surprise when it turned out the main thing that I was qualified for was to get another degree and teach Political Science to other people, who would, in turn, teach it to other people! This wasn't higher education, this was Amway with a football team!

Animals are happier than humans because they're like furry little existentialists, all living in the moment. Their collective motto: live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking pelt.

Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.

Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.

I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!