I'm catholic in the same way, that if a cow was born in a tree, it's a bird!

If you're going to war over religion, now you're just getting into a fight over who has the better imaginary friend.

Never fry bacon when you're naked.

Fifty per cent of all marriages end in divorce. But look at the bright side: the other 50 per cent end in death.

I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!

There is an obesity epidemic. One out of every three Americans... weighs as much as the other two.

Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.