The way I see life, it's like we're all flying on the Hindenburg, why fight over the window seats?

To me, the acceptable level of fecal matter is... zero.

You should never die for your beliefs, because what if you're wrong?

If you're going to war over religion, now you're just getting into a fight over who has the better imaginary friend.

If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.

Sports are an acceptable way for men to show emotion. A guy who won't hug his kid will slip a guy a tongue in a sports bar when his team wins.

Say whatever you want. But the United States has a kickass military and really good bullshit marketing people. If this country was a person it would be a used car salesman with a flamethrower.