I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.

Seventy-five percent of all Americans believe that angels are real. Which is amazing when you consider that forty percent of all Americans think DNA evidence is unreliable.

If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less painful career.

There is no romance without some lying. That's what romance is - a little bit of Vaseline on the camera lens of life.

In any relationship there are certain doors that should never be opened. The bathroom door, for example.

Choosing to have a child you can't take care of is like farting in an elevator. Sure you got it out, but not it's everyone else's problem.