I met a girl, we ate, we drank, had sex, got married, had affairs, broke up - God, what a night that was!

There is no romance without some lying. That's what romance is - a little bit of Vaseline on the camera lens of life.

In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding.

Sports are an acceptable way for men to show emotion. A guy who won't hug his kid will slip a guy a tongue in a sports bar when his team wins.

If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less painful career.

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.