If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

We spend the second half of our life making up for the first half.

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.

Seventy-five percent of all Americans believe that angels are real. Which is amazing when you consider that forty percent of all Americans think DNA evidence is unreliable.

Choosing to have a child you can't take care of is like farting in an elevator. Sure you got it out, but not it's everyone else's problem.

You should never die for your beliefs, because what if you're wrong?

The only difference between the women I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.