If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Nobody is really qualified to be the president. Basically it's an acting job. You have to act like you're the president. And every four years the country holds a big casting call.

To me, the acceptable level of fecal matter is... zero.

Why is human cloning illegal? All it is is making a certain type of person on purpose. Can they possibly be any worse than the assholes we're pumping out by accident?

Ridiculous that some people feel superior to the gay minority. They're the only couples you'll ever find poking around for ceramics and candle holders in the winery gift shop and both parties really want to be there.

Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.

Never fry bacon when you're naked.