If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Religious war at its simplest is killing each other over who has the best imaginary friend.

I'm catholic in the same way, that if a cow was born in a tree, it's a bird!

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.

Never fry bacon when you're naked.

It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!

To me, the acceptable level of fecal matter is... zero.