Ridiculous that some people feel superior to the gay minority. They're the only couples you'll ever find poking around for ceramics and candle holders in the winery gift shop and both parties really want to be there.

Married or Single? There is no good choice. It's like when your doctor says, 'Ointment?' or 'Suppositories'?

When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case; ten people see him it's a cult; ten million people see him it's a respected religion.

The only difference between the women I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.

Choosing to have a child you can't take care of is like farting in an elevator. Sure you got it out, but not it's everyone else's problem.

Why do women care about how big their feet are? I never saw a guy at the beach going, 'Wow, look at that woman, she is really... oh, darn! The feet are too big.'

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.