Live each day as if it were the last day of your life because, so far, it is.

If you're going to war over religion, now you're just getting into a fight over who has the better imaginary friend.

Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.

Nobody is really qualified to be the president. Basically it's an acting job. You have to act like you're the president. And every four years the country holds a big casting call.

Easiest job you could ever have... whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create reasonable doubt.

In the United States economic system you can lose big or you can win big. If you lose you wind up wearing a Hefty bag and sleeping in a doorway. If you win you can have sex with Catherine Zeta Jones when you're seventy-five.

Ridiculous that some people feel superior to the gay minority. They're the only couples you'll ever find poking around for ceramics and candle holders in the winery gift shop and both parties really want to be there.